


It's Not the Fall That Kills You

by inkheart9459



Series: Falling [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkheart9459/pseuds/inkheart9459
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina thinks she must be exhausted after everything that's happened, the curse breaking, the mob, the wraith. There's no way that Emma Swan is being nice to her without a motive and Emma's sudden illness has nothing to do with Daniel's reappearance. She must be exhausted to think such ridiculous things, or is she?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! And Welcome to my first longer, multi-chapter Swan Queen fic. And lucky you, all of it is written so it'll all be up in the next few days after I go over it for little nitpicky things. Everything through season one is canon, but after that it's pick and choose. So, I hope you guys enjoy the story and reviews are always appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: Really, I don't own them. I would treat Regina better if I did.

Air gusted around them. It smelled like smoke and alcohol and the sharp tang of magic. A cloud of purple swirled around them. She had done it. She had opened the portal. Out of the corner of her vision a blonde head of hair shifted. Or more accurately, they had opened the portal. Regina turned to more fully look at Emma. How had—?

            The wraith roared and flew towards them. She froze. This was it. She swallowed hard. She was finally going to die. At the hands of a soul sucker, no less. She should have just let Snow shoot her full of arrows all those years ago. That would have been preferable to the never ending hell that awaited her inside the wraith.

A weight hit her in the side, knocking her out of the wraith’s range. The wind around them blew harder as the portal started to suck the wraith in. She wasn’t going to die. Her muscles went slack and her head hit the tile with a thunk. All because of, she looked up again at the body on top of her. Emma.

Regina opened her mouth to thank her or more likely deliver a snarky comment about how the woman should get off of her, but Emma started to slide off of her, green eyes almost comically wide. She glanced behind Emma and saw a blue light attached to her ankle. No. The wraith had her.

She sat bolt upright and her hand shot out of its own volition. She grabbed Emma’s upper arm and pulled. Emma latched onto her offered arm and held on for dear life. Her pants and ridiculously impractical heels provided her no traction and she started to slide as well. Oh god. If she was pulled into the portal with the wraith she would die. She yanked harder and suddenly Emma was on top of her again and the portal finally closed.

The only sound for a long moment was heavy breathing. Emma looked at Regina, head tilted slightly towards the side. Regina felt her mouth twitch up slightly. They had done it. They were alive.

She quickly looked down at her hand. The mark of the wraith wasn’t there anymore. She was free. She sighed and closed her eyes, relaxing back into the tile again for a second. Until Emma shifted slightly on top of her.

Her head shot up and she glared at the other woman. “Miss Swan, if you would so kindly remove yourself from my personal space?”

Emma scowled. “You’re welcome. You know…For saving you.” The blonde pushed herself off of her and stood.

“As I recall I saved you as well, so it’s quite even.” Regina righted herself quickly, smoothing down her hair and brushing off her clothing.

“Right, whatever. You still have a mob after you. So, it’s probably best if you go back to the cell now, just to be safe.” Emma shrugged. Charming and Snow nodded in agreement.

“No, Miss Swan, I think I would rather not. God knows what else Rumple will try to do to me if I am locked up and completely at his mercy. I would rather go home where I can at least run if need be.”

“Are you sure, Regina? Henry wouldn’t want you to be hurt.” Emma stared at her, eyebrow cocked.

Regina smirked. “Yes, Miss Swan, I’m certain.” She held up a small fireball. Magic coursed through her easily now. Ever since Emma had touched her earlier it had been fully restored.

“Emma, sweetie, you can’t just let her go,” Snow said, stepping forward. “God knows what she can do now, now that she had her magic back. Besides, she’s committed heinous crimes against us. She needs to be locked up again, whether she prefers it or not.”

Emma turned towards her mother. “The crimes she committed were in another world entirely, not this one. We can’t hold her for things that weren’t even done here, not under this world’s laws. And since I am the sheriff of this town and have to uphold those laws, we can’t lock her up. Besides, it’s not like she’s going anywhere. Henry is here.”

“But she could cause more damage!” Charming exclaimed.

Emma looked at Regina. “Are you?”

“I can’t say the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.” Regina smirked.

Emma pursed her lips. “Well, I don’t exactly think the kid would like it if you did. God knows you’re in enough hot water with him already. And the second you do harm someone here, I can put you into jail. Keep that in mind. For now, you can do whatever you want Regina.”

Regina scowled. Why exactly was Emma being nice to her? It didn’t make any sense. But she wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. She nodded her thanks and teleported back to her home.

 

She spent the next few days quietly around her house. Emma had been right, going on a rampage against the town would not help her win back Henry. Already he refused to see her. Her little boy, that she had raised from three weeks old, hated her. And it tore her up inside. She would do anything to get him back. Including stow away her anger and thirst for vengeance that would be so much more gratifying now that the town remembered who they were.

She sighed and poured herself another glass of cider. It didn’t matter that it was the middle of the day. It was not like she had to be anywhere. She sipped it softly while she idly flipped through a magazine she only pretended to be reading.

Her thoughts were elsewhere. Every time she blinked blonde hair flashed behind her eye lids. Every time she moved her arm she swore she could feel Emma’s hand there. It was killing her, not knowing why Emma had managed to respark her magic and not knowing why she had been so nice after the wraith had been banished. It did not make any sense. Surely Emma must have an ulterior motive for her kindness. But that still left why Miss Swan had been able to spark her magic on the table.

Regina closed her eyes, dropping the magazine down to the table. This was an area of magic that she knew little about. She had looked through her mother’s books directly after the incident, but had found little that would help her. There was only one person that would know anything, and Regina was not going within a mile of the imp if she could help it. She did not have a death wish.

So she sat, alone with her thoughts swirling between Henry and Emma, sipping cider and wondering just exactly what she was going to do next. It was an odd feeling not having a plan. She always had one. She had to. Being a Queen meant always being one step ahead of everything else, and that meant always having a plan. Now she didn’t, and she didn’t have any idea of where to start, and she was lost.

She downed the rest of her cider in a gulp but did not rise to refill her glass. Anymore and she would be hung over later. As much as she wanted to get as drunk as possible and forget her problems she needed to be at least partly competent should another member of the angry mob show up at her door again. They had come frequently in the first few hours, but had slackened off greatly afterwards.

Perhaps a nap instead. She had trained herself to wake at the slightest sounds. It was a safe enough option to get away from her thoughts.

A knock on the door sounded as soon as she lay her head down on the pillow. She glared at the door but rose from the couch and walked towards it. Better to answer it and drive off whoever it was before they defaced the front of her home.

Regina opened the door quickly with one hand, holding a fireball in the other. “What could you possibly want?” She growled looking around, the fireball casting a flickering orange glow on the pillars of the porch.

A meek “Hi Mom,” sounded from below her eye level.

She quickly extinguished the fireball and smiled. “Henry!” She drew him into her arms. “Oh, honey, I’ve missed you so much.”

Henry tensed in her arms and pulled away as quickly as possible. “Yeah,” he said shortly.

He pushed past her and into the house. The fact that he remembered to take off his shoes before leaving the foyer softened the blow of his brusque treatment of her, but only slightly. Regina caught up with him quickly.

“Would you like me to make anything? I can make the shrimp and pasta that you like so much, or maybe grilled cheese?” Her hand came to rest lightly on his shoulder.

He turned to look at her, biting his lip in an almost mirror image of Emma. He opened and closed his mouth several times before just nodding. Henry shrugged off her hand before walking to the kitchen.

Regina followed and smiled as Henry hopped up onto one of the stools that lined one side of the kitchen island. “So what will it be?”

Henry sat for a while thinking before he spoke up. “Any chance you can make lasagna? I kind of miss it. The only thing that Emma can make without burning it is grilled cheese. I think I might be sick if I see one more.”

Regina snorted. “The fact that Miss Swan can even cook a grilled cheese surprises me. But yes, I can make lasagna, anything for you Henry.”

Henry stared at her, disproving look pasted on his face. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you made me think I was crazy.”

She froze, hand stopped in midair reaching for her favorite apron. She glanced down quickly before looking back at Henry. “I’m sorry, Henry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I just…It wasn’t exactly like I could tell you that the curse was real. I thought I would lose you.” Her shoulders slumped. “I did anyway, but in the heat of the moment I was trying to keep us together as a family.”

“You should have told me the truth,” he stated firmly.

“And what would you have done if I had, Henry? Affirming your belief in the curse, no matter how real it was, would have gotten you taken away from me. People would have declared me an unfit mother because they would have thought I was crazy.”

“You could have broken the curse before that happened.”

“I had no way to break the curse. That was Miss Swan’s job. We were both puppets in Rumple’s game and we both had our separate parts to play. Mine was to cast the curse, not to break it.”

Henry scowled. “I don’t believe you.”

Regina closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s the truth, Henry. No matter what, it’s the truth. I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I love you.”

“If you really loved me you wouldn’t have done any of that! That’s not what people do when they love other people!”

“Henry, I…I don’t know how to love very well. I wasn’t capable of it for a long time. That’s why I lied to you. And that’s why I held on to you so tightly. Because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do because I love you.”

“Well, that wasn’t what you were supposed to do at all.”

“I know that now, Henry. It’s just…it’s a learning curve for me ok? My parents…well I had no example to learn from. But I want to learn from my mistakes. I want redeem myself, Henry. For you I want to learn how I’m supposed to act. Ok?”

Henry regarded her silently for a minute before nodding.

Regina smiled weakly and went about fixing dinner. She bustled around the kitchen, setting the things she needed on the counter, conjuring the things she didn’t have on hand. She felt Henry’s eyes on her the whole time. Finally as she made a package of ricotta cheese appear in her hand Henry shot up from the stool.

Regina looked over at the shaking little boy. “Henry, what is it?”

“Stop, just stop!” He marched around the island and stood in front of her.

“Fixing dinner?” she asked confused.

“No! Stop using magic!” He took the ricotta cheese from her hand and threw it across the room.

Regina’s eyes widened and she crouched down to his level. “Why don’t you want me to use magic, Henry? I’m not hurting anyone. I’m just getting the ingredients I don’t have for dinner.” She bit her lip before continuing. “I haven’t been able to go to the store since the curse broke for fear that I’ll be attacked. So I just conjure everything I need.”

“No! You want to redeem yourself, so stop using magic! If you don’t stop using magic, you’ll turn into her again, the Evil Queen!”

“Henry, I’m not her, I haven’t been her for a long time. Making a package of ricotta appear out of thin air won’t instantly make me revert. There are different kinds of magic, this is light magic. I promise you I haven’t touched dark magic since I cast the curse.”

“That’s just what you want me to think!”

“If it really means that much to you, Henry, I won’t use magic.”

He opened his mouth to argue before registering what his mother had said. His face cleared immediately once his brain caught up. He clambered back onto the stool. “Good.”

Regina blinked at Henry for a few seconds before returning to her task.

 

They ate dinner that night in silence. It was tense, tenser than even before the curse broke, but Regina was glad to have Henry in the house period. Once they had finished and cleaned up Henry bid her goodnight tersely and walked back out the door, ignoring Regina’s offers to stay the night or at least let her drive him back to Snow’s apartment. She shut the door and slid down the floor, the cool of the marble floor seeping into her skin. She didn’t know if she felt better or worse after seeing Henry.

She thumped her head back onto the door and listened to the silence once more.

 

Two days later and Regina was shaking. The magic in her system was backed up to the point of being painful now. She hadn’t realized just how crucial all those little small spells had been to keeping her system in balance. She was not going to break her promise to Henry, though, no matter how painful it got. As purple sparks shot out of her fingertips involuntarily, she thought perhaps it was time to bring in outside help.

She bit her lip and thought of the people who could possibly help. It was a short list. The people who would actually want to help her was even shorter. In fact, it was only one name long. She grabbed her car keys and drove towards Dr. Hopper’s office.

 

The bug opened the door after her knock. He smiled. “Regina, what brings you here?”

“I want to stop using magic, but it’s getting painful. It’s been two days.” She held up her hands and showed him the sparks. “I promised Henry that I wouldn’t even use simple light magic, but it’s harder than I thought.”

“Well, two days is a great start. Come in, come in.”

Regina walked in and sat down slowly onto the couch. Dr. Hopper took a seat in a comfy looking arm chair and picked up a notepad. Regina twisted her hands and looked around the room, looked anywhere but the cricket.

“So, Regina, you said you wanted to quit magic for Henry, but what about you?”

Regina looked up. “What do you mean, Dr. Hopper?”

“Well, quitting magic is a lot harder than starting magic. You can want to change for others, and that’s a great starting point sometimes, but it works better and the changes stick better if you are the one who wants to change just for yourself.”

“I want my son back, doctor, and if this is what I have to do to get him back, then I will. You don’t understand being a parent. Doing things for your children is more important than doing things for yourself.”

Dr. Hopper wrote down a few things and looked back up at her. “So, if Henry wasn’t asking you to stop using magic, you wouldn’t stop.”

“No,” Regina said immediately. “I never want to use dark magic again, and I haven’t since I cast the curse, but I would still use light magic. Magic has been an integral part of my life for years. It’s been how I’ve gotten everything in life. I’ve seen the harm it does, quite obviously, but there’s also good. And then there’s just magic that ends up in the middle. Most of magic ends up there really, teleporting, conjuring food, and the like. Magic really isn’t the problem, it’s how it’s used. Magic is an energy, a force, it’s how people use it that turns it light or dark.”

“I see, and you don’t worry about slipping back into dark magic.”

“I do, quite frankly all the time, but it’s easier now that I have Henry to think of. But every hour I go without using magic the thought of turning back to dark magic increase. It seems the magic builds up in my system and wants a way out. Dark magic takes more energy than light magic. It would be a faster way for it escape my system.”

“Have you explained any of this to Henry?”

“No, I’ve only really now put it together Dr. Hopper.”

“Are you sure of your reasoning? Are you sure it isn’t some way to try to convince yourself back into using? That the magical back up is just a symptom of withdrawal?”

Regina looked down at her hands again. “I don’t know.”

“Then I suggest you keep on abstaining from magic.”

She sighed. “That was always the plan, doctor.”

He smiled. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Behind them the door burst open. Dr. Whale charged through and headed straight for Regina. The man stood heaving inches in front of the woman, still sitting on the couch.

“Dr. Whale this is highly inappropriate!” Dr. Hopper exclaimed.

“Send me back!” Whale shouted.

“Excuse me?” Regina asked, confused.

“Send me back, to my land, to my brother,” he continued

“Why don’t you check the missing board like everyone else?” A scowl graced her face. She wanted to throw him back out the door for speaking to her in such a way. She already had to deal with the pain of suppressed magic, why should she have to deal with this idiot?

“Your curse only brought the living,” he snarled.

“Well then, I’m sorry for your loss,” she sassed back. She turned to Dr. Hopper. “But I’m afraid I can’t send anyone anywhere.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

Regina clenched her fist, magic sparks increasing in amount and strength. What she wouldn’t give to be able to magically pin him against the wall right now. It would be so easy, just a flick of her wrist.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. No. She had to keep her promise to Henry, idiot doctors or no.

“Dr. Whale, I insist, please, go!” Dr. Hopper shouted.

Dr. Whale stared at Dr. Hopper for a few seconds before turning on his heel and walking out the door, not bothering to shut it behind him.

Dr. Hopper got up and shut the door, turning to Regina. “Sorry.” He came back and sat down in his chair. “What you said isn’t entirely true is it?”

“I’m sorry?” The sparks were dying down now, but flared a little bit at his implications.

“About the curse only taking the living. The grave of your father’s here.”

“I don’t care about Whale or his brother. I brought who _I_ wanted.” She was so close to snapping and doing something to the bug. She needed out of her as soon as possible.

“Anyone else?”

Regina just looked at him. Oh, there was another, but he didn’t need to know about him. No one needed to know about Daniel. Her nails dug into her palm so hard she felt blood running down her fingers.

“If you want help you’re going to have to trust me.”

Regina stared at him. He didn’t know what he was asking from her. “I’m going now, Dr. Hopper.” She got up from the couch and walked towards the door.

“I take it that’s a no for continued help.”

She turned around and looked at him again for a long moment. “I’m not sure,” she said finally before walking out.

 

She barely made it home. The spike with Whale had driven the pain up to new heights. She swallowed more than the recommended dose of Advil and hoped that this time it would at least take the edge off. She shucked off her clothes on the way up the stairs, not caring that she was making a mess. All she wanted to do was to get into bed and try to sleep through the pain. Maybe she would be better in the morning. Maybe Dr. Hopper was right and this was all just withdrawal symptoms. And withdrawal ended eventually she was sure. She hoped. It had to end. Right?

She fell into an exhausted sleep a few minutes later.

 

She awoke suddenly, hours later. Regina blinked rapidly to clear her eyes. What exactly had woken her? She tried to sit up but a bolt of excruciating pain shot through her. A whimper escaped her mouth. Oh god, it had only gotten worse.

Another knock sounded at the front door. That was what had woken her. Someone was at the door. There was no way that she was in any condition to answer it. Whoever it was would just have to wait until she was better.

The knocking kept up for another few minutes before she heard the sound of a key entering the lock. Oh no. They had found the extra key and here she was practically defenseless. She closed her eyes and let out a quiet sob. At least the pain would be over soon.

“Mom?” echoed through the house. “Are you home?”

Oh god no, anyone but Henry. She didn’t want him to see her in this state. Regina shut her eyes tightly and tried to shove the pain to the back of her mind. She had to get up. She had to see her little boy.

She tried sitting up again but the pain shot through her again, more intense than before. A scream ripped from her throat. If this was what withdrawal was like it was a wonder that anyone ever got clean. Aftershocks ripped through her drawing whimpers from her throat.

“Mom?!” she heard Henry’s feet pounding up the stairs.

It was inevitable now. Henry was going to see her like this. Her son was going to see her as this weak, pathetic creature who was a slave to her vice. She swallowed hard. She didn’t know if she could take this.

The door to her room flew open and Henry barged inside. He ran to her bedside. As soon as he caught the first real glimpse of her he froze, face set in a look of panic and horror.

“Mom, are you alright?” He asked, grabbing her hand.

The magic sparks intensified, seeking a place of outlet in Henry.

“Henry, you have to let go of me,” Regina ground out. Her hand felt like it was melting from the inside out.

Henry let go slowly. “Mom, what’s wrong?”

“It seems it’s a lot harder to quit magic than I thought.” She smiled weakly. “But I’ll get through it for you.”

“Not using magic is doing this to you?”

She nodded, just barely moving her head.

“Do you need help?”

“I think I just need to rest and I’ll be fine. The magic withdrawal should end sometime soon.” Another spasm of pain shot through her. She managed not to scream again, but the groan she let out instead shook her whole body.

“You’re not ok. I’m going to go get someone.” Henry got up and ran for the door.

“No, Henry, don’t I’ll be fine I promise. No one will want to help me anyway.” But the boy was already long gone.

Regina’s head hit the pillow. Oh god, she was really in for it now. She wouldn’t get lucky a second time. Whoever walked in that door next was going to kill her. And they were going to blame her death on her own magic. Regina wanted to scream out her frustration.

Instead she closed her eyes and fell back into an exhausted sleep.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm amazed how much feedback this story has gotten in such a short time. Thanks guys!

Regina awoke this time to a pressure on the end of her bed. The need to look up was overridden by her body’s weakness. She was even worse than before. She barely had the energy to move her eyes and breathing actually took conscious effort. The pain was like nothing she had ever felt before. It was like red hot needles were being shoved into every part of her body.

 It was like she was dying. Was withdrawal really like this? Was she supposed to almost die before she broke her habit? Whoever was on the end of her bed better kill her quickly. It would be a blessing.

A whimper escaped her mouth. This was not how to imagined dying at all. Her fist clenched weakly, fingers barely curving into her palm. She always thought that she would go out in the glory of battle, fighting for her last breath while her life blood flowed out of her with a slew of dead enemies surrounding her. She was nowhere near that right now.

“God, Regina, you’re a mess.” A wet washcloth settled itself on her forehead.

Her eyes snapped open to see Emma hovering above her.

“Oh, you’re awake. How do you feel?”

“Death would be preferable, Miss Swan,” she rasped out after swallowing half a dozen times.

“The kid told me you were bad off, but I didn’t even think he meant you were this bad. You need to be in a hospital.”

“No,” she stated as emphatically as she could in her current state. It was more of a whisper than anything.

“No? Regina, I know you’re stubborn, but it looks like you really are about to die. What’s going on?”

“And if I went to the hospital, Miss Swan, I’d be dead within the half hour. Or have you forgotten the whole town wants me dead because of what I did to them?”

Emma looked down at her, green eyes taking in everything. “No, I haven’t forgotten. I’ve stopped three mobs from coming here this week. So, I get it, but tell me what’s going on so maybe I can find a way to help you without the hospital, ok?”

Regina tried to pull her hands from under the covers but didn’t have the strength. She scrunched her eyes shut. Some things really were worse than death.

“Look at my hands, Miss Swan,” she instructed the other woman.

Emma got up from the end of the bed and stepped towards the top. She gently drew back the covers from Regina’s body and stared at the purple sparks arching from Regina’s hands.

“What the hell is going on, Regina?” Her eyes were wide open, still staring.

“Magic. Henry asked me to stop using magic period, not just dark magic. I agreed. This is apparently what magical withdrawal looks like.”

“Regina, when did Henry ask you to stop using magic? When he was over here for dinner last?”

Regina nodded.

“Regina, that was a week ago. Withdrawal doesn’t last this long.”

“A week? It hasn’t been a week. It’s only been three days.”

“No, Regina, it’s been a week. Henry came and got me three days ago. You’ve been asleep all that time.”

Regina just stared at the other woman. “You mean to tell me I’ve only woken up twice in the last five.”

Emma shrugged. “Apparently. You see why I wanted to take you to the hospital. I hadn’t before because I didn’t know how stable you were and I didn’t want to fuck you up worse.”

“Language, Miss Swan.”

“Really? You’re on the brink of death and you’re telling me not to curse? You really have your priorities straight.” Emma shook her head. “That’s beside the point. Regina, this can’t be withdrawal anymore, you past that point a long time ago. Whatever this is, it’s totally different.”

Regina glanced down at her hands. “Then I don’t know what it is.”

Emma sighed heavily. “And the only person who would know anything tried to kill you last week. Alright. Peachy.”

Emma swooped down and took her hand, holding it up to her face and inspecting it closely. The sparks calmed somewhat. Regina stared at her hand. With everyone else the sparks had increased, why had they decreased with Emma?

A strong surge of magic travelled up her arm and into her hand. Emma dropped her hand just as it reached her.

“Ow, mother fucking son of a bitch! Jesus, Regina.”

“I didn’t do that, at least not voluntarily.”

“Christ, that didn’t feel like any other magic I’ve felt.” Emma shook her hand. “What are you some sort of living Taser?”

“For all I know I could be right now, Miss Swan.” Regina closed her eyes. Speaking was beginning to exhaust her. She didn’t know how much longer she could stay awake with her energy waning so quickly.

“That’s not like my magic at all. Ouch.”

“Your magic? You have magic?” Regina opened her eyes wide and her fists clenched. No, Emma couldn’t have magic. Magic destroyed things. Emma was the savior. It didn’t make any sense.

She stopped and thought about it for a few seconds. It did make sense. The way that Emma had touched her in Town Hall and managed to spark her magic…it would only make sense if she had magic of her own to kick start Regina. Plus she was the child of a rather sickening example of true love.

“Yeah, apparently being the child of true love comes with some magic perks.” Emma shrugged. “As soon as everyone figured it out that it was me screwing with the lights every time I got angry they enlisted the Blue Fairy to help teach me some control. And let me tell you, my magic does not feel like whatever the hell just came out of you.”

“The Blue Fairy? That incompetent twit is who’s teaching you magic.” Regina rolled her eyes. A wave of vertigo overtook her at the action. She wouldn’t be doing that again any time soon. “Please, she couldn’t magic her way out of a bag.”

Emma snorted. “Yeah, I’ll agree with that, but she taught me what I needed to control it, so.”

Regina sat silent for a while. “I’m not exactly fond of the way my magic is right now, either, Miss Swan.”

“Not normally like a high powered Taser?”

“No, but just try having to keep magic like that contained. That’s what’s wrong with me. I’m sure it will be fine though.”

“I’m not sure Regina. This sounds like something different. Maybe you should keep using magic.”

Regina opened her mouth to protest but Emma cut her off.

“I’m not saying use dark magic or anything. I’m saying use a spell to style your hair or something benign like that so you don’t end up like a magical ticking time bomb, because that seems to be where you’re headed right now.”

“I promised Henry I wouldn’t use any magic and I intend to stick with that promise.”

“The kid doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Regina. And he won’t if you don’t tell him that this is hurting you and might be killing you.”

“I am fine, Miss Swan.”

“No, you aren’t. Regina you can’t even fucking sit up right now can you?”

Regina glared and Emma and hoped that maybe, just maybe, laser beams would shoot out of her eyes and hit the blonde. At least then no one would be bothering her. She was going to keep this promise to Henry come hell or high water.

“Yeah, Regina, that’s what I thought. I’m going to go get the kid and you’re going to explain to him that this is hurting you.”

“There’s no need to go out of your way, Sheriff.”

“He’s downstairs, Regina. I thought it would be a better idea for him to put away the groceries since he was the one who actually knew where everything went.”

“Groceries?”

“Yeah, the kid mentioned that you couldn’t go to the store because you were afraid people would try and harm you. So he and I went to the store for you. We tried to pick up everything you would if you would have gone. It’s probably not completely accurate, but at least you have some food now to tide you over. I’m fairly certain the kid slipped a few things in there that wouldn’t meet your approval, but I did at least stop him from getting every sort of cookie there was in the store.” Emma shrugged and walked out of the room.

Regina just stared after the woman wondering what in the world was going on.

 

Five minutes later Emma came back with Henry in tow. Emma sat down on the end of the bed again and Henry cautiously crawled up beside his mother. Regina saw Emma smile at the picture out the corner of her eye. She bit the inside of her mouth questioningly, but it didn’t matter now. Her son was in front of her willing to be near her for the first time in months.

“So…what’s up? Are you ok, Mom?” Henry finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

“I will be, Henry. It just seems that abstaining from magic completely has consequences I didn’t know about.” She nodded down at the sparks coming out of her hands. “And it seems that those consequences aren’t symptoms of withdrawal like I thought. Or at least that’s what Miss Swan is telling me.”

“So, if they aren’t withdrawal symptoms what are they?”

“I’m not quite sure. The theory right now is that the magic is building up in my system because I’m not using it and it’s hurting me and everyone who comes close to me.”

“Well, how do you stop it?”

Regina paused for a minute. This was going so well, but she was about to hit the point where Henry would withdrawal again. She would give anything to stop this conversation right now.

“Listen kid, the only way the two of us can think of to help her right now is for her to start using magic again. Not the bad kind, just the regular everyday kind to clean the room or whatever. That way she doesn’t blow up.”

“NO!” Henry shouted as he hopped off the bed. “She can’t use magic. Magic made her evil. If she uses magic again she’ll be evil again! She can’t be evil!”

“She’s not going to be evil, Henry. I don’t thinking tidying up the room like she’s Mary Poppins would be considered evil by anyone. She’s not going to curse anyone.”

“You don’t know that!”

“No, but right now you’re going to have to trust us Henry. This magical build up is killing your mother. Can’t you see that? She can’t even sit up Henry!”

Regina watched the exchange in abject horror. How was this even happening? The savior was defending her. It made her head hurt worse than before.

“She told me it was withdrawal! I looked it up, Emma. She’ll be fine she just has to get through it!”

Emma stopped and stared at Henry. “No, Henry, this isn’t withdrawal. That would have ended a couple of days ago.”

“How do you know?”

“Because Henry!” Emma exploded. She took a deep breath and softened her tone a little bit. “Because I’ve had a little bit of personal experience with withdrawal, ok? And that is not what your Mom is going through right now. Withdrawal makes you feel like you’re going to die and you feel like crap for a while, but you never ever get so weak you can’t sit up and you sleep for days on end.”

“But it’s magic withdrawal. How do you know it’s the same?”

“I don’t, Henry, but until we can figure it out I think it’s better that your Mother doesn’t die, right? So she needs to use magic.”

“No! You just don’t get it Emma!”

Emma closed her eyes and clenched her fists. She looked like she was visibly having to restrain herself from going across the room and slapping some sense into Henry. Regina was glad that Emma had some form of self-control. She wasn’t in any state to defend her child, and she would defend him no matter how uncooperative and stubborn he was being. A small smirk crossed her face. He was just like both of his mothers.

“I do get it Henry. I get withdrawal. I get magic. Because I have experience with both.”

“You’re the savior, you can’t have magic!”

“But I do Henry. Why do you think I’ve been spending so much time with the Blue Fairy? She’s teaching me to control it.”

“No! You can’t use magic either! You’ll turn evil!”

Regina saw Emma’s fist clench harder. “No, I won’t Henry. The most evil thing I’ll do is make a grilled cheese appear out of thin air.” A slice of cheese appeared in her hand. She glared at it for a second. “That was totally not what I was going for here.” A second later the cheese disappeared.

“Anyway, the point is, how is that evil Henry? Who is that hurting?”

“It’s like a gateway drug, Emma! You do magic and then you’ll escalate to dark magic.”

“Kid, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“But I do. I did the research Emma!” Henry advanced on Emma, face red, hands flailing. “You start with one drug that isn’t so bad but then you decide that others don’t seem so bad either and you start doing them instead. So you do harmless magic, but then you get skilled enough that you can do dark magic, and why not hurt someone. It’s a gateway.”

Regina saw the moment that Emma snapped. Her fist unclenched, her whole body relaxed, and she stared down at Henry like she was going to kill him with kindness. Regina knew that look, and she knew it well. Henry had just push Emma past the point of sanity. If Regina could have moved she would have put herself between Henry and Emma.

“You want to know something about gateway drugs, kid? You think that internet research tells you _anything_? You think that research can tell you about what it’s like to be strapped down to a table and shot up with god knows what just so your foster father’s buyers can see what his new product does? Do you? Because you know what, I haven’t seen any articles about that, kid. I don’t think there’s anything either about trying to fight the high because you’re disgusted with everything that’s happening to you. Neither does the internet talk about how disgusted you become with yourself after you inevitably give into the high, because let me tell you, it was not weak shit that that bastard was selling. And then eventually after he did that to you enough times that you got addicted you felt disgusted at how you had to go beg him for more, does the internet talk about that? Or how it took me six months to finally convince myself to run away from that place because it took me that long to convince myself that I would survive without the drugs? I know the internet does tell you how horrible that withdrawal, but words do not even begin to describe that hell. Your body revolts against you. You think you’re going to die, but the end never comes. I’m sure the internet says that kid, but until you’ve lived through it you don’t get to talk to me about it. Because let me tell you, withdrawal is bad on its own, but add in the fact that I was lying in a back alley for two days while I went through withdrawal with rats crawling all over me, lying face down in a puddle filled with god knows what, surrounded by abject filth, while strangers tried to cop a feel because they thought I was out of it, well kid I don’t even think you can begin to imagine that hell.

“You wanna know how I’m sure that magic isn’t like that? Because I’ve felt drugs in me and I’ve felt magic, and you know what? Drugs are a poison, you can literally feel them breaking down your body cell by cell from the inside out. Magic isn’t like that. Your mother and I were born with magic. Magic is a natural part of us. It can be used to harm people, sure. But that’s the same as anything that’s a part of us. I could use my hands to murder someone the same as I could use magic. Magic is not an addiction. Magic is like another limb. And cutting off another limb hurts and if you do it wrong it could kill you. Even if you do it right it could kill you.

“Look at your mother kid. What you are asking her to do is killing her. So why don’t you get your head out of your ass and let her make fucking cheese appear out of thin air for god’s sake. God knows she has enough people who want to kill her; you shouldn’t be one of those people too.”

Emma’s chest was heaving at the end of her rant. Regina sat stunned just looking at the blonde woman. Her childhood had been a lot worse than she thought.

“You’re just like her,” Henry finally said quietly.

Emma looked down at him. “Maybe I am kid, because she’s a shade of grey. We all are. You just haven’t realized that.”

Henry turned on his heel and ran out of the room. Emma made no move to go after him. Instead she slipped her phone out of her pocket and typed out a text to someone before moving back over to the bed.

“So, guess that’s a no from him.”

Regina just stared at her.

“Well I guess you were right about not wanting to talk to him.” Emma sighed. “Sorry. Guess I shouldn’t have pushed, but you weren’t exactly going to try to help yourself without him saying it was ok.”

“You just verbally assaulted our son in the crassest, rudest way possible and you thought it was going to help you case? Miss Swan you seem to be even less intelligent than I thought.”

“Uh, yeah that last part I wasn’t really thinking about helping our case. I wasn’t really thinking at all.”

“I would say so, Miss Swan.”

“I just wanted him to get his head out of his ass. Everything isn’t black and white. You aren’t the Evil Queen anymore. You’re just Regina. You’re the woman who raised him, and raised him well I might add, for ten years. He needs to see that and he needs to see that his selfish demands are killing you. There was probably a better way to go about that, but I’m not the most eloquent or level headed person, so that’s what came out instead.”

Regina snorted. “I think you may have hurt your cause instead, Miss Swan.”

“Yeah, well, Snow’s on damage control so hopefully it won’t blow up in my face too bad.”

Regina cocked an eyebrow. “Snow knows about what you went through as a child.”

Emma shrugged. “Well, Mary Margret did, so by default Snow does too. I had to explain why I avoided cold meds like they were poison, so.”

“You don’t take cold meds?”

“I try to avoid uppers as much as possible now. I never want to feel that way again. If a stuffy nose is the price for that, then so be it.”

Regina regarded the other woman silently. It seemed that she and Emma shared much more in common than she realized. It was a scary thought.

“But seriously Regina I think you need to cast a spell. And don’t give me that Henry bullshit. As much of an ass as he’s being right now he doesn’t want you to die, so just do it.”

“Would you like to slip anymore curses in there or are you done?”

“Nah, I’m good. So. Spell.”

Regina glared at her but closed her eyes. “I’m only doing this until we can find another way for me to stop using magic.”

“And if there isn’t?”

“Well, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.”

“I can talk to Gold for you.”

Regina opened her eyes once again and narrowed them, thinking. She sighed once before saying, “I suppose that’s the only way that I’ll get any information. Fine, Miss Swan, but I’m only letting you help because I would rather not die at the hands of that imp.”

“Whatever you say Madam Mayor. You know you can cast a spell any time now.”

Regina cocked an eyebrow before magically changing her clothes into pajamas. The wave of relief was instant. She let out a soft moan as her muscles relaxed a little bit for the first time in days.

She immediately cast another spell that cleaned her head to toe, leaving her body tingling and feeling more sanitary than she had in days. Her body relaxed even further. Her muscles felt like jelly now. God she had forgotten what not being in pain had felt like.

Another spell to change her sheets and the purple sparks stopped flowing from her fingers. One last one to conjure a glass of water and all the discomfort stopped. She chugged the water and flopped back onto her fresh pillows. Now she was more tired than she ever remembered being in life, but she felt oh so good. She hadn’t realized a painless existence could feel this amazing. She would take it though. She closed her eyes and sank down into her bed intending to sleep off the rest of it.

“Uh, Regina?” Emma’s voice came from the same spot as before, questioning and a little worried.

She cracked open her eyes just enough to see a blurry outline of the woman, too tired to open them anymore. “What Miss Swan?”

“I’m in a set of your pjs? And I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this blanket on the back of your couch. And why am I holding a glass of water? And why the hell am I all tingly?”

Regina fully opened her eyes. Emma was indeed in a pair of her pajamas, her favorite pair actually, a midnight blue silk shirt and pants set that complemented the blonde’s complexion. She stopped her thought process. She must be more tired than she thought to have such thoughts.

And that was the quilt from the back of the couch in the family room. And there definitely was a glass of water in Emma’s hands. She also looked cleaner than normal. Regina scowled. She didn’t have the brain power for this right now.

“I guess whatever spells I did on myself also manifested on you. Must be because of the overabundance of magic.” Regina shrugged. “You were the nearest target I guess.” 

“Well, that’s just great. Where are my clothes?”

Regina gestured across the room. “In the clothes hamper of course.”

Emma walked over and pulled her clothes out, looking them over to see if they were harmed. Once she was satisfied she slipped off the pajamas quickly, her back turned to Regina and changed back into them.

When she was done she turned towards Regina again. “Ok, so that was really weird, but whatever, everything is weird anymore. But do you feel better? That’s what matters right now.”

Regina nodded. “Yes, I’m fine now. I just need to sleep.”

“Good, I’ll stick around for a little bit just in case ok?”

“There’s no need, Miss Swan I will be fine.”

“That’s what you said when there were purple sparks shooting from your fingertips. Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

Regina scowled but was too tired to argue. “Fine, Miss Swan but if my house is harmed in any way I will hold you personally responsible for the damages.”

“Yeah, Regina, whatever you say.”

“I’m serious, Sheriff,” she mumbled into her pillow, eyes drooping shut.

Regina thought she heard Emma laugh quietly, but she couldn’t be sure. She was asleep a moment later.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

When Regina woke again the sun was bright outside her window and she felt better than she had in years. She stretched luxuriously before sitting up and surveying the room. Emma wasn’t anywhere, but she thought she heard shuffling downstairs. Regina got out of bed and walked over to her closet, choosing the simplest thing she had, designer jeans and a t-shirt. Today was not a day to be confined in stylish yet restrictive clothing. She wanted to move freely, really appreciate that she could move once more.

Once she was done she made her way to her door. The smell of breakfast food hit her in the face as soon as she opened it. She cocked her head to the side. Surely, Emma wasn’t cooking.

She headed down the stairs and into the kitchen to see Emma holding a pan of what looked to be scrambled eggs. Regina’s mouth watered. It had been days since she last ate. Her stomach growled at the sight.

Emma looked up at her from the pan. “Hey, sleeping beauty. I wondered when you would wake up.”

“I’m not the Briar Rose dear. I do believe she was left behind in our old land, actually.” Regina shook her head. “I thought you couldn’t cook, Miss Swan.”

“I _can_ cook. I just can’t cook much. There’s a difference. I’ve got breakfast food down. It’s a lot easier than anything else.”

“I see.”

“So, I take it you’re hungry.”

“No, I haven’t eaten for days, but I’m not hungry, Miss Swan.” Regina rolled her eyes.

Emma snorted and set a plate down filled with various breakfast foods on the island in front of one of the stools. A second later she placed a glass of orange juice down beside the plate. She looked at Regina and twitched her head, indicating that she should sit down and start eating. Regina obliged, sitting primly on the stool and forcing herself to take slow and steady bites of the food in front of her instead of virtually inhaling it.

“You’re the only one I know, Madam Mayor, who still retains that much sarcasm even while they’re slowly dying. Congrats.”

“It’s a gift.”

Emma shook her head. “Anyway, Snow did some damage control last night. It’s not as bad as it could have been, but I doubt Henry is going to want to see either of us for a while.” Emma shrugged. “He got angry when I told him that you had used magic after he left, but he shut up after I told him it cured you, so.”

Regina sighed. It seemed it was back to square one with Henry. Why did she always end up here with him no matter how hard she tried?

“I was thinking while I was cooking, since the option of not doing magic is off the table, what if you went to Archie and showed the kid that you’re trying to work through all the issues that made you turn to dark magic in the first place? I mean, if you don’t have those issues anymore, then you don’t have any motivation to cast a dark curse again.” Emma twitched her head to the side. “You don’t have to listen or anything. It was just an idea, something to try and get the kid on board and show him you’re trying even if it isn’t in the way he wants, you know?”

Regina chewed silently, thinking it over. She had already been to the bug once. It hadn’t been exactly helpful, but it wasn’t exactly like he would have known what keeping her magic bottled up would do to her. She could go again, maybe he would have some ideas on what to try next.

“I suppose I could try that, Miss Swan.”

Emma smiled brightly. “Wow, I thought you were going to bite my head off at the suggestion.”

“The thought did cross my mind, but your idea has merit. Henry trusts the Cricket implicitly. And if he says that I’m not doing anything to harm others Henry will believe him. It’s a start.”

“Yeah…” Emma trailed off into silence for a little while. “I wish I had a solution like that to offer myself. But it’s not exactly like everyone just goes around telling their kid they have their head up their ass right after they tell them that they were a forced junkie. There’s no real easy starting point for that.”

“No, I suppose not.”

“And I’m not going to apologize. So…that kind of leaves me stuck.”

“That it does.” Regina scooped up the last bite of food and popped it into her mouth.

Emma stared at Regina’s empty plate for a second. “I guess I get to find out what it’s like to be the bad guy for a while, huh?”

Regina walked over to the sink and started to wash her plate. She finished up, drying it and putting it back where it belonged before she turned to face the other woman.

“Yes, Miss Swan, I suppose you do. And quite frankly, it’s about time.”

Emma glanced down at the counter. “I guess I kinda deserve that one after all this.” She paused for another moment. “I’m glad you’re ok, Regina.”

“As am I, Miss Swan. Thank you for watching over me while I was ill and thank you for making me breakfast.”

Emma smiled at her again, weakly this time. “You’re welcome, Regina. Anytime.” She grabbed her jacket of the other stool. “I guess I should get going. Call if you need anything ok?”

Regina nodded. She watched as Emma slid on her jacket and then walked from the kitchen. She glanced out the window and then followed the red clad form until she disappeared from view. She stared a few more seconds before picking up the phone and dialing Dr. Hopper’s office.

 

The next morning Regina sat alone sipping at a cup of coffee when a knock came at the door. Hope flared in her heart. Henry. He had come to see if she was truly ok.

She leapt off the stool and strode into the entryway quickly, pulling open the door. Her heart fell when the glare coming off red leather assaulted her vision. She sighed heavily before stepping back slightly.

“Miss Swan, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Well hello to you too, Regina.”

Regina glared at the woman.

Emma rolled her eyes. “Anyway, can I come in? I talked to Gold yesterday about the whole magic thing. It’ll take a while to explain and I don’t think you want to let all the heat out of your house.”

“No, I suppose not.” She stepped back even further. “Come in Miss Swan.”

Regina watched as Emma slipped off her boots and then led the woman into the kitchen. She grabbed another mug out of the cupboard and poured Emma a cup of coffee. She slid the mug to the blonde and sat down in front of her and sat down in front of her own.

“So what did the imp have to say, Miss Swan?”

“To sum it all up basically your promise to Henry isn’t feasible.”

Regina swirled her coffee around in her mug for a few seconds. “What exactly did he say Miss Swan, not the cliff notes version.”

“Well, first I asked him if it was possible to contain my magic or get rid of it entirely. I figured it was better if he didn’t know anything about you trying to stop magic, you know?” Emma looked over at Regina. “He laughed in my face. Well, more like giggled. That was freaking creepy.”

“Mmm, yes, I remember that particular mannerism of his very well.”

“Since I’m the ‘child of true love,’” Emma put air quotes around the words, “literally all I am is magic at the basest level, so if I would try to remove my magic I would literally destroy myself.”

“What about voluntarily stopping? And what of containing it using other methods? A spell maybe?”

“Voluntarily stopping was a no go as well. Remember the thing I said about you being a magical ticking time bomb yesterday with all that pent up magic inside of you? Yeah, well apparently that’s what would happen to me too.” Emma twitched her shoulders up and down, not quite fully shrugging.  “And Gold said that there are ways like magic blocking cuffs and spells to contain magic, but you only use them on other people. Mostly to torture said other people, so. The containment methods will keep them from going off like a bomb, but oftentimes their own magic eats them from the inside out.”

Regina and Emma cringed slightly at the same time.

“But that was about you, you’re the child of true love, surely it must be different for me.”

Emma shook her head. “I asked about you too. Even though you aren’t the child of true love you were still born with magic. It’s a part of you. Gold said that you could remove your magic and it wouldn’t kill you like it would kill me, but said that the Evil Queen would look like a fluffy bunny compared to what you would become after your magic had been removed. Other than that we were basically the same. Can’t voluntarily stop or you’re a magic bomb, can’t contain it without probable torture. He said you would know what it was like to have your magic contained and wouldn’t like it one bit.”

Regina shivered. No. No she wouldn’t. Her time as Snow’s prisoner had been agonizing, not that she had let her captors know that. That had been a completely different torment from the one she had just endured. It had felt like fire was running through her veins twenty-four seven. She hadn’t died, but she hadn’t quite been living or sane throughout the experience.

“Is there any good new, Miss Swan?”

“Apparently anyone who wasn’t born with magic, who learned it somehow, can voluntarily stop and have their magical capabilities removed by another. Also containing their magic isn’t nearly as painful. Also, he gave me all the information without a price, weirdly enough.”

“How is that good news, Miss Swan?”

Emma full on shrugged this time. “Knowledge is power I guess. Plus neither one of us owes him anymore favors? Oh, and Gold said something about your mother having learned it? I don’t know.”

Regina’s head shot up. She looked at Emma for a full minute before the corners of her mouth pulled up slightly.

“Then that is good news indeed.”

“Your mother is here?”

“No, but it always help to be prepared.”

“Not a fan of your mother?”

“You could say that, Miss Swan.”

Emma sat with her face scrunched for a few seconds. “Oh, wait, right. She killed that guy you’d fallen in love with back in Fairy Tale Land.”

Regina shot off the stool and grabbed ahold of Emma’s jacket. “How do you know that?”

Emma’s eyes were wide, but she didn’t pull back from the smaller woman. “Uh, Snow told me? I asked what the real deal was since I didn’t exactly think you were after her heart because she was prettier than you. Actually, you’re prettier than her, so.”

Regina’s fist clenched harder, the leather underneath her fingers squeaking its protest. “I should be quite used to that girl not being able to keep secrets that aren’t hers to tell.”

“If it makes you feel any better I had to bug her for like three days straight before she caved and told me.”

Regina’s hands relaxed slowly. “No, Miss Swan, it doesn’t.” She let go of Emma’s jacket fully and walked back to her stool. She slumped onto the piece of furniture suddenly exhausted.

“He really meant a lot to you, didn’t he?”

She looked at Emma with sad eyes. “He was my true love, Miss Swan, he meant everything to me. And he was ripped away from me because your mother couldn’t keep a secret.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not too great at that, I’ll give that to you. The woman can’t even keep Christmas presents a secret for more than two days.”

Regina snorted humorlessly. “I know that as well dear, I had to live with her for years, remember?”

“True, true.”

“Well, Miss Swan, now that you’ve imparted the information, you may leave.”

Emma finished off her coffee and nodded. She walked towards the front door and pulled back on her boots. She opened the door and looked at Regina a moment before speaking up.

“You know, falling in love kind of sucks.”

Regina laughed for a few moments. “It’s not the fall that kills you, Miss Swan. It’s the sudden stop.”

Emma scrunched up her face for a few moments before nodding and walking out the door, shutting it behind her.

 

Her second appointment with Dr. Hopper was later that day. It had been more helpful than her first in some ways, but frustrating in others. The Bug was good at what he did, she would give him that, but even the best therapist wasn’t exactly equipped to fully handle the Evil Queen and all her baggage without more time to prepare.

All that mattered really was that Henry agreed that this was a suitable alternative to stopping magic, she told herself as she walked to her car quickly. Night had fallen and a brutal storm had started while she was in Dr. Hopper’s office. The dry inside of her car was a welcome relief.

She started up her car and pulled out carefully into the empty streets. Regina couldn’t go much faster than five miles an hour before the wind shield wipers became completely ineffective and she couldn’t see anything more than blurry outlines. So she crept slowly through town.

 She made it to the intersection in front of the library before she spotted another living being. It looked like there was someone standing below the clock tower. What in the world were they doing out in weather like this? Who was it anyway? She couldn’t quite recognize them in the stormy gloom.

A flash of lightening illuminated the scene. Regina gasped. No, it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be. It was impossible. Her eyes had to be fooling her. She swallowed and waited for another bolt of lightning to light the area.

When the next bolt came a second later no one was there.

She lifted her hand to her mouth like she was kissing the ring she had foolishly thrown away not long ago. It couldn’t be. She was seeing a ghost or perhaps more likely it was just a side effect of holding in all that magic. That’s it. That had to be it.

It couldn’t be him standing there under the clock tower. It couldn’t. There was no logical way. He was dead.

She glanced at the spot she had seen the person again. No, it was just some stupid townsperson out in the storm of the century. That was all it was if it wasn’t some illusion brought on by her weakened state.

…but what if it wasn’t.

Daniel.

She made a U turn and headed for the graveyard.

 

Daniel’s body wasn’t there. Daniel’s. Body. Was. Not. There. Oh god. Where was it? No one even knew about this place hidden under her father’s crypt. Oh god, if Daniel’s body was gone…and she thought she saw Daniel…

How was this even all possible? She leaned against the brick wall and looked at the empty glass coffin. There had to be some sort of explanation.

It hit her like a freight train. Whale. She darted up the stairs and back into her car.

 

Her phone rang as soon as she started up the car. She looked down at the screen to see Henry’s face staring back at her. Her hand reached down and tapped the answer button.

“Henry?” she asked. “Is everything all right? Are you ok in this storm?”

“Mom! It’s Emma, she’s…Gramps went to check on her at the station to see if she needed any help with all the storm stuff and her found her passed out on the floor. Mom, she won’t wake up and the doctors don’t know why. I’m scared, Mom.” Tears filled his voice.

“Are you at the hospital with Emma right now, honey?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, I’m on my way, ok? I’ll be there as soon as I can in this weather, alright?”

“Please hurry, Mommy. I’m really sorry about yelling at you the other day. I almost lost you. And now Emma’s sick and I just—” a sob escaped him.

“It’s going to be ok, sweetie. Emma’s strong; she’ll wake up and be better in no time.”

 “Promise?”

“If there’s anything that I know, Henry, it’s that Miss Swan will never give me a moment’s peace. And she can’t do that while she’s in a coma. I’ll be there in a few minutes, but I have to go now. The roads are really bad right now because of the storm and it’s hard to see. What room are you in right now, Henry?”

“Room 302.”

“Alright, I’ll be there before you know it, ok?”

“Ok.”

“I love you Henry.”

Henry sniffled before replying, “I love you, too.”

“Bye my sweet prince.”

“Bye Mom.”

Regina hit the end call button and threw her phone in the passenger’s seat.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that this chapter relies heavily on dialogue from the episode “The Doctor.” It’s changed in places to set up what I’m doing later and the scenes needed to stay because of that. Just thought you should know. *faints* harry potter references ftw.

 Regina drove as fast as was possible in the driving rain. She was at the hospital in less than five minutes. She ran in and scaled the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator.

 She opened the door to room 302 and Henry hit her like a pro football player. The woman stepped back to keep her balance and wrapped her arms tightly around her little boy. She rubbed his back for a few moments before drawing back enough to see his face while still keeping him in her arms.

“Where are your grandparents, Henry?” She fully expected to be accosted by the obnoxious couple the minute she walked in.

“Gramps had to go man the station after they figured out that Emma wasn’t going to die. Grams is somewhere with one of the doctors going over things that could have caused Emma to pass out like this.”

Regina scowled. “They shouldn’t have left you alone like that.”

“You’re here now.”

“I suppose I am.”

Henry disengaged fully from the hug and went to sit in the chair he had pulled up to Emma’s bedside. Regina regarded the scene in front of her. Emma was pale, almost deathly so. She hadn’t seen the woman look that sick in her whole tenure in Storybrooke. Tubes and wires led out from various parts of Emma’s body, keeping track of her vital functions and delivering whatever medicine the doctors deemed necessary. Henry was holding tightly to the only hand that had no tubes attached to it.

There was something else beyond her general pallor that made Emma look even sicker. Something that Regina couldn’t quite put a finger on. It was like Emma’s body was here, but Emma herself, the personality, the life, the soul of her, wasn’t in that body anymore. It worried Regina quite a lot more than it should.

She drew up a chair beside Henry and sat down. She put and arm around her son and rubbed circles around his back. He didn’t pull away from physical contact that she had initiated for the first time in ages. It warmed her from the tips of her toes to the roots of her hair. If only the circumstances had been a little different it would have been perfect.

“How long ago did they bring her in?” She asked Henry after they had sat like that for a few minutes.

“A couple of hours ago. Grams didn’t let me come until a little while ago. And then she went off with the doctors and I just got scared, so I called you.”

“You can call me anytime you need me, you know that.” She squeezed his shoulder gently.

“What if she doesn’t wake up, Mom?”

“She will, Henry. Trust me, she will.” Regina looked away from her son. Now that she was in the room she wasn’t quite so sure. Without that essential life energy that made up Emma being in the room…it didn’t look good.

Henry nodded and leaned against her, still gripping Emma’s hand like it was the only thing keeping him alive. They sat like that for a long time. Eventually Snow came in but didn’t say a word to Regina. She drew up another chair to Emma’s other side and gently grabbed her other hand, avoiding the IV line carefully.

She felt Henry’s head sag against her a while later. Snow nodded off not long after, laying her head beside Emma’s body and drifting off. Regina watched silently for a long while, but eventually succumbed to sleep herself.

She wasn’t ready for the dream that crept up on her in the slightest.

 

_The air around her smelled like hay and the distinct musk of horses. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was in the stables outside her manor. She sighed heavily. She hadn’t had a dream like this in such a long time. Why had one come back now?_

_The door crashed open and Daniel lead Rocinante to his stall. Once the horse was secured Daniel stepped towards her and smiled. Regina felt herself moving towards him without her conscious command._

_“Well hello there,” Daniel said looping one of his arms around her shoulders._

_She smiled back at him brightly, happiness suffusing her being. “And who might you be, stranger?”_

_“Oh, I wouldn’t know. Just some lowly stable boy, I suppose.”_

_Regina scowled minutely. “There’s nothing low about you Daniel. I love you. In my mind there will never be anyone higher than you.”_

_Daniel’s arm tightened around her. “I love you too, Regina.” He kissed her lightly on the nose. “Just remind me of that again when the ponies your mother wanted get here. Why does the woman even want ponies? What use are they to her? You are grown. Why would anyone need a pony after their children gotten big enough for a full sized horse?”_

_Regina’s face scrunched up. “You won’t have to deal with them long, Daniel.” Her mother probably wanted them for some spell she was working on._

_Daniel cocked his head confused, but shrugged a second later. “Good riddance. I’m glad I came here after you were big enough for Rocinante. Horses are beautiful, majestic animals. But ponies? Ponies are the spawn of demons and have the tempers to match.”_

_“Oh, come now. The pony I had when I was younger was a sweet old girl. Her name was Gwendolyn and she loved carrots.” Regina laughed at the memory._

_“And I bet you never refused her a carrot either.”_

_“Well of course not. She was my gallant steed. She deserved a reward for her hard work.”_

_“Right, well, trying being around a pony when you don’t give them the treat they want. It doesn’t end well for your feet. Have you ever been stepped on by a pony? It hurts. A lot.”_

_“I think someone’s being over dramatic.” Regina reached up and booped him on the nose._

_Daniel smiled warmly at her. “Perhaps a little, but I’ll have the last laugh when the ponies get here for your mother. I know I will. One of them has to not like you. Then we’ll see who’s being over dramatic.” He adopted a high pitched voice that was supposed to be an imitation of Regina but fell very short. “Oh, Daniel, that pony just hates me! Why won’t it love me Daniel, am I a despicable human being?”_

_Regina hit his shoulder lightly. “I will say nothing of the sort.”_

_“The ponies will be here in three days time, want to bet by the end of next week you won’t be lamenting that one hates you?”_

_“What, exactly, are we betting?”_

_“Well…” Daniel brought his hand up to his face in mock thought. “If I win you have to figure out a way to get away from your mother for an entire day. There’s this place I’ve been wanting to take you, but there isn’t enough time during our lessons to get there.”_

_“And what would we do while we’re at said place?” Regina cocked an eyebrow._

_“Well, as the winner it would be my choice.” He smiled at Regina roguishly._

_“Hmm, well what do I get if I win?”_

_“I’ll teach you how to jump oxers if you win plus I’ll clean Rocinante’s tack and bridle and your saddle for you.”_

_Regina bit her lip to keep from smiling. Either way she really couldn’t lose. “Deal.”_

_Daniel brought her in for a kiss. Once they drew apart Daniel rested his forehead on hers. “Well now that that’s settled I think it’s almost tea time. And a lady should never be late for her tea time.” He winked at her. He’d heard her say it dozens of times over._

_Regina head-butted him gently. She sighed and turned to go, drawing away from his comforting warmth. “Alright, but no cheating. You don’t get to rig it so one of the horses hates me just so you get your way.”_

_Daniel scoffed. “Now why would you ever think I would do that?”_

_Regina rolled her eyes and walked slowly out of the barn. “Don’t think I do not know about you rigging my stirrups to fail so I’d fall into your arms when you first came here.”_

_Daniel sputtered behind her trying to deny her accusations. Regina walked out of the stables laughing merrily._

Regina bolted upright from the chair she had fallen asleep in. Daniel. She had forgotten about that particular memory in the fog of time. She most definitely remembered losing the bet spectacularly and what had happened at the picnic they had had at the wonderful little waterfall Daniel had led her to. It had been their first time together. Regina’s hands drifted to her neck where an over enthusiastic Daniel had left a hickey. Explaining that to her mother had been difficult to say the least. Her mother had bought the story of accidently hitting her neck off the pommel of her saddle though, and she had only gotten lightly beaten for her clumsiness.

Regina shivered at the memory. She gasped a second later as the haze of sleep finally abated.

Daniel.

His body was gone. She had seen him. He was alive. And there was only one person who would know anything about it. She had gotten distracted by Henry. She looked down at her little boy, now slumped on the bed in much the same position as Snow. She needed to go. She needed to go now and figure out something. But Henry needed her here. But he wasn’t alone now.

She took a deep breath. She would sort out the mess with Daniel and then she would come straight back to Henry. Regina reached out and swept the hair away from Henry’s face.

“Henry,” she said softly, not wanting to wake Snow as well.

Her son blinked up at her, tired and confused. “Mom? What’s wrong?”

“Henry, there’s something that I have to go take care of, ok? I’ll be back as soon as I can, alright?”

He sat up more fully and looked over at Snow before looking back at her. “Ok, Mom. Just…please hurry back?”

“I promise.” She tugged him forward in a hug and kissed the crown of his head. “I’ll be back before you know it. Try to get some more sleep, ok? You look exhausted.”

Henry nodded and laid his head back down. “Bye Mom.”

“Bye my sweet prince.”

She hurried out of the room and down to Whale’s basement lab.

 

Everything was eerily silent in the basement. The cold air drifted across Regina’s skin leaving goose bumps in its wake. She walked quietly down the hall until she got to the door she wanted. It was cracked open but dark inside. She swallowed hard before pushing it open slightly.

“Dr. Whale? Where are you?” Her voiced echoed slightly.

She stepped more fully inside the room and flipped the light switch by the door. The light flashed on intermittently, setting her further on edge.

“Dr. Whale?”

Now that the light was flashing she could see that the room was a mess. Things were strewn everywhere. Surgical equipment mixed with medicine and syringes and other detritus on the ground. The light itself has hanging on by a thread, dangling a foot or so off the ground. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. Something bad had happened here.

She walked over to a rolling table covered in a blood spattered sheet. Regina spotted the outline of something under it. She reached out, hand shaking and flipped back the sheet. She gasped and backed away quickly, hitting the drooping light. It was a severed arm. Dear god. She felt like her knees were going to give way under her.

She stepped forward once again. Something under the table hand caught her eye. She touched the table gingerly and shoved it out of her way. Dr. Whale was lying on the ground covered in blood with a bandaged wrapped hastily around the stump that used to be his arm. She knelt down beside him quickly.

“Whale, Whale.” She brought her face to his. “I know you took Daniel’s body and I know you took one of my hearts, why? Why?!”

Dr. Whale’s face scrunched up, but he said nothing.

“Did you bring him back?” She asked in a shaking voice.

“I did it,” Whale ground out.

“He’s alive?” she whispered almost involuntarily.

“Yeah, I brought him back, but he—he’s not Daniel.”

Regina felt her face scrunch up. “What?”

“He’s a monster,” Whale replied, face full of fear.

Regina turned away from the man, shaking. What did that mean? Had Daniel done all of this? Caused all of this destruction? He couldn’t have. That wasn’t the Daniel she knew.

Whale grabbed her with his one good arm. “Please. Help me,” he begged.

Regina looked down at him. Why should she help this man that was calling her true love a monster? She should leave him here to die.

But there was another love in her life that would hate to see her do such a cruel thing. Regina sighed and got up. Walking towards the door, she turned back to Whale.

“I’ll be back with help soon.”

She fled up the stairs from the destroyed basement and ran to the nearest nurse, explaining the situation quickly and leading a team down to help the man she wasn’t quite so sure she really wanted to save.

 

An hour later she stood outside of Whale’s room looking through the glass at the man resting in the bed, pale as the sheets he lay on. She still didn’t feel quite right about saving him, but once she had explained to Henry what had happened and that she had saved Dr. Whale, the little boy’s face had lit up. She supposed saving the drunk letch’s life had been more than worth the smile her son had given her.

Regina heard heavy footsteps coming up behind her, announcing the presence of Charming.

“What’s going on? I just got a call that Dr. Whale was attacked,” he demanded.

Regina turned towards the man. “You’ll have to ask his doctors.” The man acted like she could actually rip off a man’s arm, that it was her fault that Whale was like this.

“No, I’m asking you.”

Apparently he did think she had done it. Magic could do much, but it could not make her strong enough to rip an arm clean from its socket. The man was an idiot, but then again what did she expect from a shepherd.

“I went downstairs after I left Emma’s room to speak with him and discovered he was hurt,” she sneered.

He looked at her disbelievingly.

“It’s the truth!” she shouted, gesturing with her hands to emphasize her point.

“What else? What did you go to speak with him about?”

She lowered her eyes and drew her hands closer to her. “Someone from my past…I believe he’s come back,” she said quietly. “Daniel, his name is Daniel.”

Charming nodded understandingly. “The man you were supposed to marry.”

Regina’s head snapped up and she looked at him. How exactly had he...?

The man tensed and stepped towards Regina. “Snow told me what happened…and how it was her fault that he died.”

Snow. Of course it was always Snow blabbing her secrets.

“Yes,” she said looking Charming in the eyes. She looked away and added. “He did.”

“Then how can he be back?” He put his hands on his hips, brushing his jacket back.

She pointed behind her and said, “Whale.” Leaning inside Charming’s personal space. She straightened up and went on. “He believed he could bring him back from the dead and I don’t know how, but he has.” A watery smile lit up Regina’s face.

“You don’t know how? Guess.” Charming crossed his arms in front of him.

She stepped closer to David once again. “He practices something more powerful than magic, or that’s what I was told. All he needed was a heart, and he took one of mine.” Happiness flitted through Regina. Daniel was alive out there somewhere. Maybe she really could have her happy ending.

Charming grabbed her arm and led her a few steps away from the door to Whale’s room. “You have hearts here?” he asked disgusted.

She nodded quickly. “In my vault.”

Charming looked at her horrified.

“From our land.” She fought the temptation to roll her eyes.

“Whose heart did he take?” Charming’s eyes widened.

“I have no idea…” she trailed off, looking down, giddiness quickly seeping out of her system. “I took so many it was impossible to keep track.” She blinked and shook the melancholy off. “I need to go. I have to help him!”

Charming reached out and stopped her from leaving. “No. Where is he? Look what he did! He’s dangerous.”

“No, not to me,” she stated. “He won’t hurt anyone else, David, I promise.”

Charming shook her lightly. “You know I can’t take that chance. You have two choices Regina. Tell me where he is or jail.”

Regina paused for a moment, thinking. If she was in jail she couldn’t help Daniel and she left him at the mercy of the Charming idiot. It was better to tell him and go with him than to not go at all.

“I think it’s like when you awoke from your coma.”

Charming nodded urging her to continue.

“I think he’s following his final thoughts to where he last met me…the stables.”

Charming looked at her and nodded. “Let’s go then.”

Regina nodded and followed him out of the hospital.

 


	5. Chapter 5

They arrived at the stables in record time. Regina was out of the car before Charming even had it in park, running towards the building.

“Regina, wait!” Charming called behind her, sprinting to catch up.

Regina didn’t wait. She was so close to seeing her love again. So close to seeing him alive after so many years. This couldn’t wait for some idiotic farm boy. Everyone was wrong. Daniel wasn’t a monster, Daniel couldn’t be a monster. Daniel was a man who was kind and gentle and hated ponies because he thought they were too mean. He couldn’t destroy anything.

She rounded the corner and froze. Daniel was standing there looking dazedly around. She floated slowly forward, not even realizing her legs were moving. Charming came around the corner a second later shouting for her, but she couldn’t make out the words. Daniel was in front of her, alive, that was all that mattered.

Daniel whipped around to see Charming running towards him. He grabbed and Charming and tried to choke him, but Charming was too quick for him, shoving him into an empty stall and shutting the door. Daniel banged against the wood, making the whole wall rattle. Charming turned to her, holding the door for all he was worth.

“It won’t hold for long!” he shouted at her. “Can you cast a spell to subdue him?”

“No, I won’t use magic on him,” she said. The man was an idiot if he thought she would harm her fiancé.

Charming turned putting his back against the door. He threw aside his coat and grabbed his gun out of his shoulder holster, cocking it and turning back towards the door.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” She yelled at him. He couldn’t seriously think that she would allow him to harm Daniel. Not after she had just got him back. She would do anything to protect him.

“He’s a monster Regina! If you won’t put him down I will!” He shouted back at her.

He made to open the door and Regina grabbed onto his arm.

“David, please! Just let me talk to him.”

“It’s too big of a risk. There’s no telling what he’ll do.”

“You have to at least give me a chance!” No, this wasn’t happening. She couldn’t lose him again. She wouldn’t survive it. Desperation flowed through her veins and filled her whole being.

“Out of the way, Regina, now!” Charming shoved her away.

Something inside Regina broke and she rushed back at Charming. “NO!” She shook David violently. “I won’t let you hurt him!” She stepped back and shoved him once. “He’ll listen to me!” She grabbed onto Charming’s arm once again, voice going softer, almost pleading. “Please. Let me talk to my fiancé.” Tears filled her eyes. She needed to talk to him or her heart shatter all over again.

Charming stared at her for a few moments. “Alright.”

“Just…could you go wait outside? David, I’ll be fine, but if you’re here he might be set off. Please?”

“Ok, Regina, but if you get hurt it’s your own fault.”

Regina nodded and watched as he walked off back to the car. Once he was out of sight Regina unlatched the door and opened it slowly. Daniel was standing in the middle of the stall, looking around dazedly again. He turned to look at her and she smiled at him. Daniel, her Daniel was right in front of her.

He walked towards her arm outstretched, reaching for her. God, she loved him so much. It filled every part of her being. How had she managed to survive without him?

The hand that had been outstretched towards her latched around her throat and squeezed. Regina gasped. No, Daniel wouldn’t harm her, what was happening?

He slammed her into the wall beside the stall door and started to squeeze harder. She was going to die. Daniel was going to kill her. It was fitting in a way.

She ripped at his fingers, trying to get them to loosen. “Daniel,” she gasped out. She took a gasping breath. “It’s…me…I love you.”

The pressure on her throat suddenly lessened. She sucked in a breath of air, doubling over and coughing violently. She backed a few steps from Daniel, still coughing. When she looked up again Daniel’s face was no longer dazed. She saw recognition in his eyes. This was her Daniel. The one she knew so well.

“Regina,” he whispered.

She walked towards him. “Daniel!”

The met in a hug, holding tightly onto one another. Daniel let out a few gasps of pain in her ear before pulling apart. She kept ahold of his arms and looked up into his face.

“I can’t believe it’s really you.”

He flinched and doubled over in pain, grunting loudly.

“Daniel?”

He looked back up at her. “Stop. Just stop the pain,” He pleaded.

“How?” She lunged towards him. Anything. She would do anything for him.

He put his hands on her cheeks. “Let this body go.”

She would do anything but that. She couldn’t lose him. She just couldn’t. “No, no I won’t. I won’t lose you again.”

She put her hand on his neck. “Without you I’m lost.”

He started to grunt in pain again. She cupped his head in both hands, rubbing small circles on the fine hair under her thumbs.

“Daniel! Daniel, come back to me.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. I’m being pulled back. I can’t exist on my own anymore.” It was barely more than a whisper.

“But I love you.” Regina felt like she was breaking into a million pieces. This wasn’t supposed to happen again.

Daniel cradled her neck gently. “Then love again.”

He stumbled back from her once more, groaning. When he looked up this time Daniel wasn’t there anymore. He lunged for her again, but she cast a spell and he was immobilized in an instant. A purple glow surrounded the love of her life and she looked on, tears streaming down her face. Another wave of her hand and Daniel was little more than dust in the wind.

“Goodbye Daniel.”

Sobs wracked through her body so hard that she thought she was going to crack a rib. She sunk down to the floor and wailed out her agony. Daniel was dead. Again. This time by her own hand. If there was a hell she was certain that she was in it.

At some point Charming returned, finding Regina alone sobbing. He knelt down next to her and gripped her shoulders comfortingly. He bit his lip and hesitated before speaking.

“Did you…” he trailed off.

“I killed him. I killed him,” she wailed, breaking out into a new bout of sobs.

“You had to Regina. He wasn’t Daniel anymore.”

Her sobs got louder. Charming grabbed her hands and pulled her up from the floor. He dusted off some of the hay and led her towards the car.

“Come on Regina, I know what will make you feel better.”

Regina collapsed into Charming’s side as he led her from the building, not caring in the slightest that she was drawing support from one of her most bitter enemies. The only thing that mattered right now was that Daniel was dead. And it was all her fault.

 

She let Charming guide her out of the car and into another building. She wasn’t sure where. She wasn’t sure she cared. What difference did it make if she grieved for her love here or elsewhere?

He led her into a room and shoved her gently forward. She focused enough to turn around and glare at him, but her heart wasn’t in it. His treatment of her could be dealt with at a much more convenient time.

Regina turned around again and focused on the room she was in. It was Emma’s hospital room. Henry was still lying next to Emma’s side, sleeping soundly. A weak smile ghosted across her face. She may not have Daniel, but she still had her little prince.

She walked over to his side and sat down in the chair she had vacated what seemed like days ago. Henry stirred at the movement, blinking his eyes open slowly and looking at his mom. She reached out and brushed the hair from his forehead tenderly.

“Mom, are you ok?” Henry asked, taking in her tear stained face and clothes that were covered in hay.

She smiled sadly. “No, Henry, I don’t think I am.”

“What happened?” He sat up fully and turned towards her so their knees were brushing lightly.

“Daniel…Dr. Whale brought him back to life. But he was a monster. I…I had to kill him.” A sob escaped from her throat.

Henry launched himself at her, wrapping his arms tightly around her middle. Regina held her little boy to her and cried for what felt like a very long time. Never once did Henry try to move away. Her son stayed attached to her until her sobs turned to muffled hiccups and there were no more tears to be shed.

Henry drew back as the last of the hiccups faded. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

“It’s…well it’s not ok, but thank you, Henry.” She scrubbed her face with the backs of her hands. “I’m sorry for crying all over you.”

He smiled weakly. “I think it’s only fair. You held me every time I cried when I was little. And I wiped my nose all over your clothes.”

Regina laughed once. “Yes, the dry cleaning bill was quite a lot higher back then.”

Henry glanced to the bed. Emma was still out cold, breathing deep and even. Henry’s face visibly tightened in worry.

“She hasn’t changed any while I was gone, has she?” Regina asked.

Henry shook his head. “No.”

Regina looked around the room finding neither Snow nor Charming. “Perhaps I’ll go find your grandparents. They might know more things that the doctors have told them since last night.”

If she only had her son now, she was going to take care of him. And right now that meant finding out for sure what was wrong with Emma and fixing her. Henry needed her, as loath as she was to admit it.

She looked at the blonde woman resting peacefully against the pillows, looking all for the world like she was just asleep instead of in a coma. Regina thought back to the last few days with the woman. A feeling of strange warmth settled over her. Perhaps Henry wasn’t the only one who needed Emma.

She shook her head. Such thoughts were foolish. She had just lost Daniel. She would grieve for him privately in her own home now that her breakdown was over and she would take care of Henry. That was it.

“Ok,” Henry said.

“Will you be fine here alone?”

He nodded.

“Ok, I’ll be right back.”

Regina walked to the door slowly. Surreptitiously she cast a spell that cleaned all traces of tears from her face, reduced the puffiness and redness of her eyes, and reapplied her makeup. With her mask back in place she strolled out into the hallway.

It wasn’t hard finding Charming and Snow. All she had to do was follow the scent of disgustingly sweet romance. They were curled up in each other’s arms in a waiting room, fully absorbed in one another. She cleared her throat to get their attention. An almost genuine smile alighted on her face when Snow practically fell to the floor she was so startled at the interruption.

“I was wondering if you two had received any more news from the doctors. Henry should know if there is anything else.”

Snow shook her head while untangling herself from Charming. “No, they said she’s stable and there’s been no change all day. They have no idea what’s wrong with her. They’ve run every test that they can think of and there was nothing wrong. It’s like she’s just asleep, but she’s not.”

Regina sighed. “Did they try anything magical?”

“Yesterday the Blue Fairy tried to wake her up once the first rounds of tests showed nothing. She said that she couldn’t be woken up, something was keeping her asleep, but she couldn’t ascertain what exactly.”

She snorted. “Of course the fairy idiot couldn’t.” Regina ran a hand through her hair. “Alright then. I’m going to go back and sit with Henry if that’s all.”

Snow shot up and reached for her. “Regina, I’m sorry.”

Regina’s fist clenched. “Whatever for, dear?”

“I’m sorry about Daniel…again.”

“I do not think that you want to talk to me about this right now, dear Snow. Not if you want to keep your heart in your chest. Because do not think that I have forgotten that I would not have had to kill Daniel today if it wasn’t for you getting him killed in the first place. The only reason that you aren’t dead now is because I’m trying to change for Henry. So it is entirely in your best interest to stay away from me, Snow, until everything has settled. We may both be in my son’s life now, and I may have to tolerate you for his sake, but that day is not today. Not when it is still fresh.”

She turned on her heel and stalked back down the hallway to Emma’s room. Regina paused outside the door, collecting herself and reigning in her anger. It wouldn’t do to let Henry see her like this. She had to be strong for him now since he had been strong for her. She didn’t know how in the world she had gotten such an amazing little boy, but she had. She would let him know every day from now on how thankful she was for that. When she was sufficiently calm she opened the door and walked in.

 The sound of shared laughter stopped her dead in her tracks.

Emma. Emma was awake.

“Yeah, Kid, it was weird. It was like an out of body experience while I was passed out. I only remember flashes, but I think I was in the stables?” Emma’s voice rises at the end to make the statement more of an uncertain question. “And I think the horses were freaking out.”

Regina stepped fully into the room. “What do you mean, Miss Swan?”

Henry turned and looked at her. “Mom! Look Emma’s awake!” He practically buzzed with excitement.

“I see that, dear.” She smiled warmly at him. “It’s very good news.” She turned back to Emma. “What did you mean about the stables, Miss Swan.”

Emma shrugged. “It’s like I said, Regina. I felt like I was in the stables. I don’t know. Like I said it was weird. It was like I was there, but I wasn’t really fully there? I’m not sure. Passing out must have done screwy things to me head. God knows why I ended up in the stables of all places.”

“What exactly did you see, Miss Swan?” Regina walked towards Emma’s bed. She needed to know. It was probably just a coincidence, but she needed to know anyway.

“Horses? Like I said, they were freaking out.” Emma shivered. “I hate horses. A pony bit me at someone’s birthday party when I was little. Stupid things have the tempers of demons.”

Regina’s eyes widened. Daniel had said the exact same thing once upon a time. She’d had a dream about it just last night. What if—

Regina shook her head. No. No, her brain was just addled. There was no way what she was thinking was true. There was no way it could be.

“I think there was someone there with me in the stables, actually now that I think about it.” Emma tilted her head to the side. “I only remember flashes of visual stuff, but I always sensed that there was someone there with me. It was soothing almost. At the end it was even weirder. This purple haze covered everything and then I was just gone.”

“Henry, why don’t you see if your grandparents will take you to Granny’s to eat. You haven’t eaten anything since I got here last night. You can bring back Miss Swan one of those burgers she loves so much.” She said everything while still looking Emma in the eyes. Emma met her stare evenly.

“Yeah, kid that’d be great. I’m starving. And let me tell you, hospital food doesn’t exactly do it for me.”

Henry jumped up, eager to please both of his mothers. “Alright, cool.” He rushed towards the door but glanced back at Emma once more.

“Don’t worry kid, I’ll still be awake when you get back, I promise.”

Henry nodded and rushed out the door to find his grandparents to tell them the good news and get something to eat.

“Emma, do you remember anything you were thinking during this…out of body experience?”

“Mostly it was a haze of pain. There was a point where all I felt was this weird mixture of love, longing, and fear. Whoever was there with me could end it, but I was afraid they weren’t going to. And…I guess I was scared of them, not because what they could do, but because they could rip me apart emotionally? I’m not sure.”

That sounded exactly like what Daniel would have felt through the whole ordeal. Except for the last part, but Emma wasn’t certain of the last part. It could be disregarded. She was crazy, absolutely stark raving mad, but she was starting to think the maybe, just maybe Emma and Daniel were one in the same. How else would she have such knowledge of the incident? And there was the fact that Daniel hadn’t said let me go. He’d said let my body go. And that he couldn’t exist on his own anymore, that he was being pulled back. Emma had passed out around the same time that Daniel would have been reanimated. And that Emma was using the same phrases as Daniel had all those years ago. It couldn’t be…could it?

There was one way to end this crazy theory. Surely if Emma and Daniel were the same, they would share similar characteristics. Daniel and Emma had the same sense of humor, stupid and cocky, but utterly charming, but there had to be more didn’t there?

“Emma, what’s your favorite color and why?”

Emma scrunched up her face. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Regina stepped forward and grabbed Emma’s hand. “Just please answer.”

“Uh, alright. Red. It’s the color of beginnings and ends, sunrises and sunsets.”

“Your favorite month and why.”

Emma looked at her like she was crazy. “May because it’s the almost summer but it’s still cool enough not to be miserable.”

“Favorite food?”

“Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually bread. I can eat my weight in bread.”

“Emma…do you remember anything else? Something about a stable before this dream?”

Emma stared at her. Finally, she sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them again they flashed brown for an instant before fading again to green.

“Hi Regina.” The voice was Emma’s, but immediately she knew that it wasn’t Emma speaking. The tone and cadence were all wrong. This could only mean—

“Daniel?”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you worried about Regina loving Emma just because of Daniel...trust me, read this chapter.
> 
> And now we're at the end of the story. I already have a sequel...well actually two planned out for this story. The trick is getting the time to write them. The first sequel should be up in a few weeks or so, once the beginning of the semester crazy settles. But thank you to everyone who read this story and extra thanks to those left comments and kudos. You guys are awesome.

_“Daniel?”_

Emma nodded and her eyes flashed again. “We’re sort of one in the same.” This time it was fully Emma again.

Regina closed her eyes and sunk into the chair behind her. She felt as if she were about to pass out. How was this even possible? Did she even care?

“Except he wants me to go near horses, and I say no.” Emma’s nose scrunched in distaste. “And it’s my body and he’s the past life, so I get final say.”

Regina snorted. “You would be the one to get his soul, wouldn’t you?” Her thumb stroked slowly across the back of the hand she was still holding.

Emma shrugged. “I didn’t exactly ask for him, you know. I guess that’s just how the soul lottery works or something. I dunno. I didn’t believe it was all real at all until after the curse broke and Snow told me about Daniel and the story she told lined up perfectly with the one he’d been telling me for years. I thought I just had an over active imagination, like he was an imaginary friend or something.”

“I could see how it would seem crazy, but there are even people in this world who believe in reincarnation, are there not?”

“Well, yeah, but do I look like one of those people to you?” Emma cocked an eyebrow.

A small smile crept onto Regina’s face. “No, Miss Swan, I suppose not.”

“I didn’t think so.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Emma squeezed her hand as she kept rubbing her thumb lightly in circles. This felt natural. This felt right. She supposed it all made sense now why it did, why it had always had felt right around Emma. Why she had felt warm and comfortable in her presence even in the heat of an argument.

“You know, there’s one thing I don’t understand, Regina,” Emma finally said.

“What?”

“I don’t see why you never slapped Daniel for not protecting you from Cora.”

“He didn’t know. How was he supposed to protect me from something he didn’t even know was going on?”

Emma snorted. “Oh, he knew alright.”

“What are you talking about, Miss Swan?” Regina’s thumb stopped moving.

“He knew exactly what was going on, Regina. Servants talk. He found out about what went on in the manor house between you and your mother, he just chose not to do anything. I mean I know you loved him, and I can feel his love for you, but honestly? He was a coward. Actually, I think you fell in love with a carbon copy of your father. They were both kind and loving, but they were weak and afraid to fight for what they wanted.”

Regina quickly pulled her hand from Emma’s. She shot up out of the chair. “How dare you say something like that, Miss Swan!”

Emma just looked at her evenly. “Regina, I think I’m the only one allowed to say something like that. After all, he’s a part of me, and not one of my favorite parts anymore. He’s the part that likes to run. And I’m done running.”

“Just because he’s a part of your soul now does not mean you get to insult my memory of him. Daniel was a good man to me. He was the only light I had in my life.”

“He was a good man, Regina. As good as he could be. But I think the whole thing about reincarnation is that we’re supposed to get better with each and every life we live and I want to do that. I want to learn from my mistakes. I want to learn from his. I’m not going to be a coward. I’m not going to run. I’m here now in this town and there’s only one thing I want to do. I want to protect my family and my family includes you and Henry. I’m going to protect him. I’m going to protect you. And not because Daniel loved you, but because I do. _I_ love you.”

Regina sat back down. This was too much to handle in one day. Everything around her grew fuzzy around the edges and she felt her breathing pick up. She was heading towards a full on panic attack. She hadn’t had one of these since she was a child. She remembered that she needed to take deep breaths, but couldn’t make her body obey her commands. Her body was as overloaded as her mind was right now.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Regina…” Emma’s hand shot out and cupped her cheek gently. “Regina, it’s ok. It’s going to be alright. There’s no need to panic right now. We’ll figure everything out one step at a time, ok? There’s no need to rush things. Just breathe for me, darling, ok?”

The touch of Emma’s skin on her own made the panic abate enough that she could manage it. She took deep breaths in and out and closed her eyes. Subconsciously she leaned into Emma’s hand. When her heart rate returned to normal she opened her eyes to find that the world was no longer grey at the edges and Emma Swan was staring at her with a worried look.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Regina asked. She wasn’t sure if she was asking why Emma hadn’t spoken up about being Daniel before or why Emma hadn’t said something about loving her.

“I haven’t _said_ anything before, but I’m kind of an actions speak louder than words sort of girl. I saved you from the mob, I saved you from the wraith, then you saved me from the wraith, thank you for that by the way. Anyway, I made the kid come and see you and I talked to him about his irrational blind hate of you and tried to make him see sense, I made an ass out of myself so he would see that using magic was the only thing that could save your life, I tried to give you advice on what to do to fix that whole messed up situation, I went to Gold for you, would you like me to go on? Because I could. Everything I’ve ever done for you is carved on my heart because while I was helping you I felt whole. I remember everything, every smile you shot me, every glare, hell, even every snarky comment.” Emma gestured wildly, almost ripping the IV line from her hand. “And I didn’t say anything about Daniel because I’m not Daniel. I didn’t want that to influence anything in our relationship.”

“But why would you want to help me?” Regina looked at the floor as she asked. Why would anyone help her? She was worthless. Even if Emma had Daniel’s soul she shouldn’t want to help.

“A. Because I’m in love with you. B. Because on some level I understand why you did everything. Love can destroy you, tear you apart in ways that nothing else can, just as much as it can build you up. And C. Because if you love a person you can look past all their faults and mistakes and you can see the person under them and you accept them. And I do Regina. I love you, faults and all.” Emma ticked the points off on her fingers.

“I don’t understand.” And she didn’t. She really truly didn’t. For all of her life she had not been good enough. Why should now be any different?

Emma smiled sadly. “Of course you wouldn’t, Regina. You never understood how wonderful you were, even when you were younger.”

“You should hate me. Both of you should. I got one of you killed and the other one grew up without parents because of me.”

“Daniel wants you to know that his death wasn’t his fault. It was your mother’s. You had absolutely no control over her actions. As for me? I did hate you for a while. I didn’t understand you. I didn’t understand why you had to be so hostile. I thought you had a stick shoved so far up your ass that a deep space mission couldn’t find it. It took me a little while to get it. It took me getting to know Henry, getting to know your backstory, getting to know you, before I put everything together in a way that made sense. I was a threat to you. I was a threat to what little happiness you had managed to scrape together here in Storybrooke. I was a potential threat to Henry and you didn’t want me to harm him. I was a threat to your life if I broke your curse. And I don’t know everything about your past, but I know enough to realize why you acted the way you did in the face of those threats. I don’t condone how you acted, Regina, but I understand it. And that went a lot of the way towards stopping my hate.”

She felt Emma looking at her, but didn’t raise her head to return the stare. “Why should understanding why I acted the way I did stop you from hating me. If anything you should hate me more. You know I had choices now and what they were.”

“You see, I disagree. One thing I learned with the breaking of the curse besides the fact that the guy in my head claiming he was a stable boy from the Enchanted Forest who loved you once upon a time was actually real, is that Gold played us all. I know you had choices and that the choices you made were ultimately your own, but when those choices are dressed up and made to look like the grandest and best option by another? Well, I can’t really fault you for taking them. I do however want to punch Gold. Several times. Maybe until he’s dead. We’ll see how I feel when the time comes.”

“So you understand me. How does that translate into loving me?” Her eyes blinked shut. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep, but she wanted answers more. She forced her eyes open again.

“Well, you’ve heard the expression ‘there’s a fine line between love and hate,’ right? Once the hate was replaced by understanding, there was really only one way to go I guess. And I started to notice how you bite your lip when we’re in the middle of council meetings, and how you run your hands through your hair when you’re super frustrated, and how much you love our son even when he’s being an asshole, and how you would move heaven and earth for him even if he hated your guts, and how you may wear this almost mask like expression your face but your eyes always give away what you’re feeling, and that I saw in those eyes this underlying fear that I wanted to take away, and how all of a sudden I wanted to protect you, that I wanted to talk to you as much as possible even if we were only exchanging insults, it didn’t matter as long I was talking to you, and how I just wanted to be near you every second of every day.”

Emma gasped in a breath, out of air after saying so much in one go. She used her hands to bring Regina’s eyes to meet her own. There were tears coating them, turning the green a sort of sea blue. Regina wasn’t sure there was a prettier color.

“And so slowly I just fell for you. I’m not even sure I noticed what was happening at first. It took a long while for me to fall for you. I’m still falling. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. But I know Rome wasn’t built in a day. Regina, there is no pressure on you for anything. You either fall for me in your own time or you don’t. I don’t care which as long as you are happy. But take as long as you need to figure everything out. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Emma paused for a second, blinking away her tears. “I’ll just ask two things from you. When you make your choice I want you to tell me. I’ll be happy with whatever choice you make, but I don’t want you to think that you have to dance around me and lead me on when you have feelings for another person just because you don’t want to hurt mine. Tell me the second you become comfortable with whatever feelings you have for whoever. And second, don’t just pick me because I have Daniel inside of me. I’m the one that loves you in this life, not him. Quite frankly, he’s not my favorite part of myself anymore. I’m done with his ways. I’m done being cowardly. I’m done running. So when you decide, think of me. Don’t think of him. Think of red leather and that ‘ugly yellow death trap’ as you so lovingly call my bug. Don’t think of horses and hay and a life you never had. A real life can’t be built on hopes for something that can never be. You can have me with Daniel floating around in my head somewhere, but you can never have Daniel on his own. So please…just, think of me, ok?” At the end Emma’s voice was laced with longing and desperation. She sniffed once and scrubbed her hands across her face quickly pulling herself back together in no more than an instant.

Regina stared at Emma for a long moment. She saw what Emma had been trying to hide in that instant. She was all bravado and talk and confidence on the surface. It was what she thought Regina needed to hear right now. But she had just given herself away in that instant. She saw the underlying insecurity of never being enough on her own, that she would always be passed over in favor of others. Regina knew the feeling well. It was how she felt almost every day of her life.

“He said let this body go. He said love again. He meant you, didn’t he? He wanted to lead me back to you.”

“He did. Quite frankly, I think he feels bad about not doing more in hindsight and he wants you to be with someone that he knows can protect you and love you. And he knows I want to love and protect you more than I want to breathe. So yeah, he wanted to leave a trail of bread crumbs back to me. He knew you were smart enough to figure everything out eventually. He wanted you to be happy. Also I think on a deeper level he also wanted to appease me some because I sort of read him the riot act a lot, but even still this little act doesn’t win him any brownie points.” Emma shrugged.

Regina couldn’t stop staring at the woman in front of her. Who was this woman? Where had she come from? This was not the woman who was barely more than a girl that showed up on her doorstep over a year ago. This was someone else entirely. But it wasn’t a bad thing. She was strong, more courageous, over her tendency to run, and a thousand other things that Regina couldn’t even fathom right now.

“You really love me. Even though I cursed a whole town. Even though I murdered more than I can count.” Regina swallowed hard before going on. “Even though I made you grow up without parents. Honestly?”

“Truly.”

“And the fact that Daniel is a part of you didn’t influence this at all?”

Emma bit her lip in thought. “I’m not sure, really. On some things it’s hard to tell where he ends and I begin. So at the beginning there might have been some influence from him, but now? Now _I_ love you. It’s one hundred percent me. And of course Daniel still loves you in the background and occasionally gives me advice on what to do when which I may or may not take depending on the situation, but since the dude was your true love and all that’s sort of expected, you know. But it doesn’t matter where it started really, it only matters how it ends.”

Regina glanced down. Emma had been there in more ways than one over the last few months. There was hardly a memory that she pulled up that didn’t have her in it. She hadn’t noticed before, but then again she hadn’t been looking. And the other day where she had saved her life from her own stubborn ways…that was more than anyone had done for her in a very long time.

Then there were the warm feelings she seemed to get every time she was around Emma. She had only felt them one time before. With Daniel. It seemed that she had been falling in love with Emma long before she knew Emma was Daniel reincarnated.

She looked back up at Emma. “I think…then perhaps…Emma, when you get out of the hospital would you like to have dinner with me?”

Emma smiled brighter than she had ever seen. “I’d enjoy that Regina. I really, really would.”

Regina smiled back. “Good. I look forward to it.

“Me too.”

Energy was slowly starting to leave her body. The adrenaline rush was over. She was starting to crash. Regina felt exhausted down to her bones. She blinked and barely got her eyes back open. She wasn’t even sure she had the energy to teleport back home and there was no way she was in any shape to drive.

“Hey, you look like you’re about to fall asleep sitting up.” Emma scooted over to the far side of the bed and patted the blank space beside her. “It’s not exactly your mattress back home, I bet, but it’s got to be better than sleeping in the chair. And it looks like you really need a nap before you go anywhere else, so.” She patted the mattress again.

Regina thought for a few seconds before standing up, slipping off her boots and crawling in beside Emma. The bed was so small they had to lay side to side, bodies touching from shoulders to toes. She shuffled around looking for a comfortable position for a few seconds until Emma gently flipped Regina around and wrapped her arms around the brunette’s middle. Regina wanted to protest, but the warmth surrounding her felt so right and relaxing that the words died on her tongue. 

“Cuddling before our first date, mixing things up.”

“We’ve always done things backwards anyway. We shared a son before we were ever together.”

Emma laughed. “I suppose that’s true.

Regina’s eyes drifted shut and she started to fall asleep. Before she slipped under completely she heard Emma whisper in her ear.

“I love you, Regina.”

Warmth filled her. She was in the arms of her true love once again. Nothing felt better. 

 

 


End file.
